Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Wanna know why? Because it’s the easiest.
To begin with – you don’t have to wear a costume. And your children don’t have to wear a costume, which is huge. There’s not even a chance that you could be invited to a party where you’d be required to wear a costume, forcing you to buy white go-go boots (Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader).
You don’t have to pick out a pumpkin or schlep it anywhere. Or clear a room so you can pull out a giant butcher knife in an effort to cut tiny pupils, which a pumpkin shouldn’t even have. And you don’t have to scoop out pumpkin goop to make room for a candle. Which a pumpkin shouldn’t even have.
You don’t have to stuff glow sticks in your children’s clothes to track them in the dark, while they go door-to-door asking for free candy. Then listen to them complain that the free candy is lame, while refusing to give Mommy even one – ONE – Kit Kat bar.
Thanksgiving definitely has my vote over the front end of the holiday season.
And as for the back end? Even more so! You don’t have to cut down a tree. Or string 80 feet of lights on it. Or wait for the Elf on the Shelf to appear, only to watch him disappear and reappear for 30 days and nights until he disappears forever. Making everybody cry.
Nobody is expecting a gift. Or a card with your perfectly perfect family all dressed in the same outfit. Or to be handed a holiday cocktail napkin with something really snarky on it like a picture of Santa saying “Go ahead be naughty – Save me a trip.”
You don’t have to sing, carol, or listen to Thanksgiving music. Because there is none. And unlike Christmas, there are no special cookies, cocktails, sweaters or lights. It’s just one thing: A meal.
And how simple you make that meal is completely up to you. Sure, there are those of you out there who just can’t take advantage of the break between Halloween and Christmas. And that’s your problem – you’re convinced it needs to be just as much work as the other holidays.
And so you invite family, in-laws and kooky relatives. And mentally prepare yourself for any and all stories about your childhood, your past, the gum you stole from the convenience store, the job you lost, the guy you didn’t marry and how you almost didn’t graduate from college. You dress up, clean your house and decorate the table with beautiful candles and colored leaves.
And then you cook up a fancy Juniper Brined Turkey With Paprika Butter, Ciabtata Stuffing With Chestnuts and Pancetta, Scalloped Potatoes with Crème Fraiche, Cran-Citrus Chutney and a Pumpkin Spice Torte.
Well knock yourself out.
I’m heating a ham. And then I’m gonna sit on the couch and watch the Macy’s parade with my kids in front of a fire, in my comfy sweats.
And my white go-go boots.
