So here’s the scene: You’re engaged, and the time has come to shop for dresses. YAY, right?
Maybe.
Maybe you’re The Princess, and this is the moment you’ve been envisioning since you were six – you know what you want, you’ve got your team assembled, and you’re here to MAKE. IT. HAPPEN.
But maybe that’s not you – maybe you don’t know a Chiavari chair from a hole in the wall, and you certainly don’t need eighteen of your closest friends weighing in on your outfit for one day, for crying out loud.
No matter. Princess Bride or Anti-Bride, almost everyone suffers the same fate at some point during their gown-purchasing process. It is a paralyzing yet all too common problem – the 50/50 split. Two dresses, one day. Two looks, one bride. Two styles so completely disparate, they call for completely different weddings. What’s a girl to do? Maybe let’s examine first how we got here.
The Princess has tried on LOTS of dresses. She LIKES lots of the dresses – remember, she came in with a very clear idea of what she wanted, she did her research and booked an appointment at the right kind of salon, and as the staff drapes her in silk and tulle, she knows she was right about her Vision. But what’s this? Something the consultant / maid of honor / future mother in law / best gay has chosen for her to try on. This is not a part of The Vision! The Princess would never wear a gown like that, it’s just so… well, it’s not…it’s just not what she had in mind.
Until she tries it.
And she loves it.
And it turns her world UPSIDE DOWN.
We’ll get back to our Princess in a moment. Let’s check in with Anti-Bride. The Anti-Bride has been to a shop or two, possibly by force. Someone close to her takes it upon themselves to make sure Anti-Bride has The Experience. She’s tried a few things. Her thoughts are muddled from the champagne, and surely someone besides her has noticed that it’s hotter than the surface of the sun in here? What exquisite torture is this, where you are assigned a small room in which to take off and put on clothes over and over again? Are yoga pants not acceptable wedding wear? Is it too late to elope? What is HAPPENING?
But then the Anti-Bride finds her stride. Maybe it’s by ordering online and retreating to the privacy of her home to make her choice. Maybe she finally lands at the right shop, with the right friend at her side and a talented consultant at the helm. She begins to form her own Vision. She finds a gown she does not hate! Huzzah! Let’s just try this last one on. Just one more won’t hurt….. aaaaaaand she likes that one too. Curses!
So here we are. The 50/50. Torn between two gowns. How could it be that two brides, so different, SO POLAR OPPOSITE – could be having the exact same problem?
Gather close, kiddos. I’ll tell you a secret. They’re not so different after all. Everyone’s a Princess, and everyone’s an Anti-Bride. We are all unique mixtures of both of these people, and the great news is that there’s a dress out there for everyone. Here are some tips for navigating the gown-shopping process – and avoiding the dreaded 50/50 split!
1) Keep it simple when it matters most. This means on that inaugural shopping trip, take as few people with you as possible. You need time to discover what you like without your entire bridal party offering (or forcing) their opinion. (My real advice is to go alone, but I understand that’s daunting for many folks). More than a few shopping companions and things get overwhelming and confusing – for you, for them, and for your consultant. Remember: Friends don’t let friends posse-shop!
2) Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed. More than two appointments in one day and everything is going to start to run together in your head. Unless you are on a seriously short timeline or have traveled a great distance to shop, break it up and don’t do too much in one day. Turning yourself into a dazed and confused zombie bride helps no one, and your guests probably won’t see “fresh brains†as an attractive option on the menu.
3) Take photos, and lots of them. This can be complicated by the fact that many salons do not allow photos, but find one that does and make sure to snap some pics. You may love the detail on a gown from a foot away, but sometimes that same awesome embroidery or beading can look strange from a distance. Often people are confused while they are in the gowns at the shop, but things resolve quickly when they get some distance and look at the photos in a lower-stress environment. Wine also helps, but that kind of goes without saying.
(Note: Just because you possess photos DOES NOT MEAN that you are required to post them to every social-media outlet available to you. A little mystery goes a long way, so resist the urge to share this part of your experience with the world).
4) Think about what your partner would like. Now, I don’t mean to say that just because your significant other likes Lady Gaga that you should wear a gown made of meat – you should never wear something you dislike just because someone else thinks you should – but your partner’s preference just might break the impasse.
(Another note about photos: If you’re superstitious, you may not want to directly solicit the help of your fiance, but remember that you can be vague and still get the help you need. A question as simple as, “do you feel strongly about whether I wear white?†might just tip the scales for you and help make the final decision. If you’re not super traditional and don’t mind your beloved seeing you in a wedding gown before it’s your wedding gown, consider taking him or her along. Now, at this point, every grandmother in America is clutching her chest, back of hand to forehead, admonishing that a lady just simply wouldn’t do this. I love your grandma as much as you do, but it’s not her wedding, and times have changed. If your fiance is the one you trust most to help, then let them help. Grammy will get over it, I promise).
5) Think about what YOU like. Okay, I know this sounds crazy. How does someone not know what they like? You’d be surprised. I suggest that before you ever go to a bridal shop or have any interaction with white dresses that you first look inside your own closet. Pull out the three or four outfits that you love the most – whether it’s the dress you wear to power meetings at work, or that top you love for parties on the weekends. What do you like about these clothes? What do they emphasize that you like about your shape? What do they downplay that you don’t? Even a cotton t-shirt can help to narrow your focus and give you a jumping-off point.
6) Consider budget. Clearly this is an easy one – but sometimes we overlook the simplest solutions. If you can truly be happy in the less expensive gown AND work a beef-instead-of-chicken upgrade with the savings, then have at it. Just know that, of course, this doesn’t always work, and sometimes the more expensive dress is just The One. If it won’t send you into sinking debt, spend the extra clams and have your dream dress.
7) Do your very best not to lose sight of what’s most important – namely, your marriage. A wedding is a day, but a marriage is a life – and no matter what you wear, the first day of that life will be one you will never forget. You might see me there, toasting you as a couple and enjoying my meal. By the way, this chicken is tops.
