Guest Contributer TRACY CURTIS:
Tracy is a humorist, writer and speaker. Her weekly family humor column appears every Sunday in the Charlotte Observer.
I wore white jeans today. And I did it just to bunge up all those “you can’t wear white after Labor Day” people.
I like my white jeans. They go with everything, they’re the perfect length, and because they stretch a bit, they’re never too tight when I pull them from the dryer.
So I’m not inclined to let silly, seasonal, social etiquette get in my way. And I let people know this up front. I have my Labor Day party, and then get right into those jeans as soon as possible. As if to say, I didn’t forget, I’m not sneaking it in, and I’m not trying to start a new trend. I’m wearing my jeans. That happen to be white.
I’m not even sure why white got singled out. There aren’t rules about any other colors. White is the blending of ALL colors, so I would think that the color that is EVERY color should be acceptable every season. So I wear what I want. And so far, I haven’t been ticketed.
And you do get ticketed. People don’t know this, but you can get into a lot of trouble breaking the “white after Labor Day” rule. Especially for a white shoe violation. They’re the worst. The ticket is embarrassing. But it’s nothing compared to what happens next – a sort of snowball effect that you just couldn’t have imagined.
It starts slow – you get word that your Garden Club is suspending your membership. That one I get, because you do sort of have to respect the code of their season. To them, if you’re wearing white after Labor Day, it’s only a matter of time before you’re wearing florals at Christmas. You’re done.
Word gets out. Just like there are reciprocal states that share information about your driving violations, there are reciprocal communities of people that share information about your fashion faux-pas. The PTA usually gets wind of it first, and you can forget being a Room Mom. Any positions in the school with high visibility are off limits to you. So you won’t be hosting a coffee, reading to children, or working in the carpool line. You’re shelving books. After hours.
Then you’re dropped from your Bridge Club. Mysteriously not invited to Wine Club, and unceremoniously kicked out of your Country Club. And then your Book Club picks “White Oleander” – and you know you just can’t face it.
And then you ask yourself if it was all worth it. I mean, nude pumps are year-round and make your legs appear longer. And blue jeans are acceptable any season. And then you know you made a mistake. And you pack up your white jeans and white shoes.
And wait for Memorial Day to come.
